Discrimination!

Bah.

Lovefilm are doing top 10 torsos and top 10 bikini moments.

http://www.lovefilm.com/micro/ultimatebikinimoment.html

Bikini moments include such seminal moments as Usula Andress in Dr No, along with other curvaceous Hollywood stars and starlets. Even the ones from slightly jokey films (Charlie’s Angels frinstance) are pulling no punches in the “beautiful women in scanty clothing” department. I mean, Carrie Fisher may look pretty silly done up as Jabba’s bit of fluff, but no one can deny that she looks OK in a bikini.

On the other hand, we have top 10 torsos. Now, I can think of 10 great torso shots without batting an eyelid, and to be fair, they have a few in there that can’t be considered objectionable. But why, oh why, oh why are we also subjected to Borat’s Mankini? Russell Brand on a surfboard? Hank Azaria, though admittedly toned, buck naked? These are the best torso shots they can come up with?! Shoot the researchers.

Even the initially promising ones aren’t up to that much. Gerard – in a pair of silly knickers. Brad – putting on a breastplate that rather defeats the object and managing to look camp despite all the armour. Leo – looking about twelve, maybe thirteen… that isn’t sexy.

Daniel Craig and Sean Connery’s about about the only two that aren’t cringeworthy, and Sean is sailing close to the wind on that one. Very disappointing for the ladies (and indeed those gents who like other gents) when the roster of feminine flesh on display has clearly been chosen for effect and the male for comedy.

Oh well.

Here is my selection of movie moments (in no particular order), all of which I think would beat lovefilm’s choices hands down.

1. Ewan McGregor shows off his assets in “Down With Love”

2. Viggo Mortensen taking “A Walk On The Moon” – hands up who’d like to stroll with him?

3. Owen Wilson in “You, Me & Dupree”, proving that, despite what Borat may have led you to believe, you can be funny and still look hot without your shirt on

4. James McAvoy in “Wanted” – as in, just what you wanted for Christmas…? I’m not that big a fan of his but… well, this is better than anything lovefilm offered…

5. Although not known as your average heartthrob, post “Wimbledon” Paul Bettany easily out-chests most of the lovefilm list – AND he’s funny!

6. Jeffrey Dean Morgan – yeah, I know it’s the *back* of his torso, (are you honestly complaining?) but ask anyone who saw the movie and they’ll tell you the chest view is good too… “P.S. I Love You” (we love you too, Jeff…)

7. If we have to have Brad Pitt, can’t we at least have him looking a bit manly, like he does in “Fight Club”, rather than mooning over his plate steel?

8. Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Need any more be said?

9. Hugh Jackman shows he has enough “Animal Attraction” for anybody

10. Hugh Jackman takes an impromptu shower in “Australia”, then gets physical with Nicole Kidman.

(Yes, I know it’s the third mention for Jackman, but seriously, how did this guy not appear in a “top 10 Torsos” list? If the man has a sexy torso that is apparent even when fully dressed, he deserves at least one mention, no?)

Anyway this is ten off the top off my head, and not including a few of my favourite actors because I couldn’t lay my hands (mmm…) on the (in)appropriate shots – for my money these are all at least as good as the lovefilm list (your mileage may vary). No doubt others will come to me. But shame on you, lovefilm!